Step 4.

Decide what I want to do with my life.
I always knew I wanted to help; people, animals the environment.. You know, help.
The first thing I ever wanted to commit my life to was being a vet. I loved animals, though I didn't have much patience for my moody rabbit or cleaning out my four guiney-pigs..
Then I wanted to be a fashion designer, then reality hit me at the age of 7, I realised that I don't always get what I want. I went to an art event that Stella McCartney was part of, I was armed with a notebook full of questions to ask her about how to become an amazing fashion designer like her.. No, I didn't realise at the time that her father's name might have opened a few doors for her or the fact that she may regard herself too highly to socialise with the rest of us, nevermind considering answering my questions. She didn't even attend the event.
Then after some family lows, watching a bit too much Silent Witness and Waking the Dead and idolising a family friend who is a doctor of forensics, I decided that I wanted to commit my life to the amazing science of forensics. I went at this whole heartedly for about two years looking into it seriously, then I realised that the reality of it would be too much for me to bare and I'd never be able to separate myself from the work, also, lets be honest, I'm no medical student.
Now, my commitment is at a loose end. My Mother and I have been through lists and lists of university courses, in other words, hours and hours of me saying "No" over and over.
Lately international development has taken my fancy as it is related to the amazing work experience that I did but I can't be sure if I'm willing to commit myself to something that, lets face it, in this economy, has little prospects.
So, I spent about 3 hours doing online personality and potential career questionnaires only for my top three results to be:
General Medicine.
International Development.
Veterinary studies.
At least I'm looking in the right direction. Now, from thin air, I need to find the passion, initiative and motivation to want to commit to something that I love, because I don't see myself loving any of my "ideal career matches."
Step 4: Find a place to start looking for my future.

Step 3!

I did something.
Me, the thinker, went out there and did something!
Well, technically I've not done it yet and I've not yet enrolled but I'm not doing my thing of endless contemplation without any real outcome. Well, the consideration is over. I've made a decision.
I'm starting a term of ukulele lessons.
Not the triumph is seems but, hey why don't I take you down memory lane?
Picture this; sunny Wednesday afternoon, me, aged 5 or 6, in the car listening to "I am the mob" by Catatonia, with my mother, dropping my brother off for his weekly piano lesson.
Mother turns to me and says,
"Poppy, do you want to go to piano lessons?"
I remember the feeling of my face pulling my best appauled expression and saying "No." As if she was asking if I wanted to eat puppies and kittens for dinner.
I remember that, like I remember how I declined the offer of ballet lessons, other dance lessons, all sorts of sport lessons, classes and opportunities. I've always had some deep fear of going to these classes, even with a friend by my side I have never felt comfortable doing extra-curricular activities. Not because I hate school and learning, I figure I'm just scared of the unknown.
BACK TO THE PRESENT.
I've let my pointless fear control me for 16 and a half years and I think it's about time I make something of myself. So as of September the 20Th, every Wednesday I will go, unaccompanied, to the Sage in Gateshead to ukulele lessons. I will meet new people and learn new skills. For some reason, I cannot figure out why, as it's so unlike me, I'm eagerly anticipating the feeling of sitting in a room full of strangers with ukulele's.

I don't know if this can really be classed as step three, it's just me trying to be more independent and also learn an instrument like I've always wanted to. I've been playing the ukulele since my 16Th birthday but I'm severely limited to say the least. Well, wish me luck.

(Ooh, Step 3 is a ramble.)